"So I’ll just turn out the light, and sleep here all alone"
I’m torn apart. Broken. I can’t believe that I’m destined to be alone. Ever since I was a child I’ve envisioned myself as a family man, with a loving wife and some children running in the yard.
Instead, I’m 21 and have yet to have been involved in any kind of relationship whatsoever. I’m truly tearing at the seams. I truly don’t know if I do something wrong, or if I say the wrong words. Maybe I’m just to fucking ugly. Who knows. All I know is it looks like I’m destined to be alone.
I’m becoming scared of putting myself out there. It seems that every single time I do that, I’m left stranded on the railway, and I can’t avoid the train. It seems as if, for some reason, destiny doesn’t want me happy. As soon as something good comes my way, I manage to take a huge shit on my sunshine and bring back these cloudy skies.
I’m sickened of myself, but I have no idea on how to fix myself. I’m afraid of rejection. I’m afraid of getting heartbroken yet again. I’m afraid of the thing I want the most. I’m afraid of love.