Prologue

5 minutes less. He kept glancing at the motionless clock on the wall. Waiting for the day to end so he could run away into the cover of darkness. He wanted to feel the grass under his shoes. Smell the wet dirt. The smell of freedom.

Yet he was caught between 4 whitewashed walls. The halogen lightbulbs flickered above him as he ran out of his mind. The lecture kept going, and the blabbering in the room became background noise. White background noise. He wanted to run away. No, he HAD to run away. He was gone. Unfazed by the stares that suddenly increased towards his figure. For once in a very long time, he didn’t care if he was the center of attention.

He was out of it. In the woods, free from just another one of society’s stupid rules. Why need a diploma to be successful? What about people who couldn’t afford such an education? Shouldn’t they also be allowed to be important, to leave their mark in this god forsaken world?

Society sucked as far he was concerned. So many double standards, so many catch 22s, so incoherent. So useless. So unnecessarily necessary. He had run away from it. At least in his mind. He was far gone. He was running in the wilderness.

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New Year, Old Problems

2013 was by far the best ride.

I managed to switch colleges, and this made me extremely happy. I am no longer bitching about crappy teachers and lousy rules. I am genuinely free.

I managed to screw things up with 3 girls, and lose as many friendships.

I lost an uncle that had long been lost to me, except this time I lost him forever. I miss him.

I saw some great bands live, and I played my first show in years. I’m still rusty.

My family and friends were healthy, and except for one scare, we’re totally unharmed. Their well being is all that matters to me, even if I come out a little egocentric.

On a shallower note, I watched the Ravens win the Super Bowl. A great ending to Ray Lewis’s career. My favorite sportsman retired.

So, what do I expect from 2014?

For starters, tons of schoolwork. I might actually go crazy this time.

I’m praying I can finally get over the 4 year rule, although so far the forecast isn’t good.

I want my friends and family to be happy. I want them to be safe. I want them to be healthy.

I would love to end with all this loneliness and darkness. But that won’t happen.

I would like to stop burning bridges, to be a little more understanding with people. Stop being a brat.

I hope 2014 is greater than 2013 and not just on the number line. I want to have a Grand year. I want to be next to the people that matter the most to me.

I want to be happy all year round and not just for snippets at a time.

And of course, I want to finish that second album and shelf if just like the first one.

Nobody Loves You (When You’re Down And Out)

"So I’ll just turn out the light, and sleep here all alone"

I’m torn apart. Broken. I can’t believe that I’m destined to be alone. Ever since I was a child I’ve envisioned myself as a family man, with a loving wife and some children running in the yard. 

Instead, I’m 21 and have yet to have been involved in any kind of relationship whatsoever. I’m truly tearing at the seams. I truly don’t know if I do something wrong, or if I say the wrong words. Maybe I’m just to fucking ugly. Who knows. All I know is it looks like I’m destined to be alone. 

I’m becoming scared of putting myself out there. It seems that every single time I do that, I’m left stranded on the railway, and I can’t avoid the train. It seems as if, for some reason, destiny doesn’t want me happy. As soon as something good comes my way, I manage to take a huge shit on my sunshine and bring back these cloudy skies. 

I’m sickened of myself, but I have no idea on how to fix myself. I’m afraid of rejection. I’m afraid of getting heartbroken yet again. I’m afraid of the thing I want the most. I’m afraid of love. 

Washed Up Daydreams

There’s raindrops on the windowsill,

They attack the glass like a round of bullets,

My face, pressed against the coldness

Looking out into the nothingness

De Regreso

For months I have been absent from writing about what troubles me. Maybe it’s the fact that nothing has been troubling me, or maybe it’s the fact that I was so bored with life that I didn’t even feel like bitching about anything.

Anyway, lately life has been generous to me. I switched from a really shitty and mediocre school to the best school for my major (in Mexico), so that was a huge win. Especially since I had the support of my family and friends. I also got to leave early for summer vacations, on account of what I just said above. I filled up a 160 GB iPod with pure music. I got a drumset. I was on a radio program. And I’ve been revisiting old friendships that were a little deteriorated.

I hope I can make constant posts here. To keep my mind clear and get stuff off my chest.

Disenchantment

My college sucks. 

They treat us like 5 year olds, scolding us for having long hair and forbidding the use of shorts. 

Not a very learn-friendly environment.

The teachers suck. Most of them are indifferent and exams are now a group effort, instead of being a realistic showing of how much an individual has learned. 

I guess it’s just a reflection of Mexico. Deadbeat country.

Our Career Head is a joke. She doesn’t know a thing about how to organise such an important thing. She’s more involved in her other job than in this one. She should pick one. And leave the other one.

Not very assuring, trust me. 

We were teacher-less for 1 week after coming back for our 2nd semester. It seems 2 fucking months weren’t enough to find a Calculus teacher. And 2 months was way too much time for winter vacations might I add.

Makes us rusty again.

These are the main factors that are now in my mind, making me ponder if I should stay put, or leave for greener pastures. I love my major. I hate my school. Hate severely understates my feelings toward it. 

The downside: if I leave I won’t be able to keep studying that major. 5 schools offer it. 2 are out of the question because they suck and only produce mediocre engineers. Another one is out because the true story behind that College is sad. They want money. Those colleges are a business. My college is out because well, why the fuck stay? And the other option is just too expensive for my family.

So if I leave. I would have to change my major. And yes, I have another option, but do I really want to study that in a country like Mexico? I’m not sure at all.

I keep trying to go back in time and somehow find a scholarship. I’d be studying my dream major in UM, instead of being stuck in a mediocre school, inside the mediocre capital of a mediocre country. 

Cheers.

Pinche gente informal.

Writing her something #guitar #acoustic #sonoran @fenderguitar

Writing her something #guitar #acoustic #sonoran @fenderguitar

chilpaian:

This song makes me think of my sister. 

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